soon it'll be spring
by neverephemeral
Summary: Time, it seems, is the answer for everything. To heal, they say, takes time. When it comes to her lovers, Darcy finds that to be the God awful truth. CANON AU.


**Hope you all enjoy! (: I apologize for any mistakes I may have missed while editing.**

* * *

_Is there a cure for this pain  
Maybe I should have something to eat  
But food won't take this emptiness away  
I'm hungry for you my love  
-All Of Me by Angus and Julia Stone_

**T**IME it seems, is the answer for everything. To heal, they say, takes time. When it comes to her lovers, Darcy finds that to be the God awful truth.

It had become natural for Darcy to wake up alone in bed despite both or one of her lovers being home instead of away on a mission. She had forgotten what it was like to get a full night's sleep having Steve and Bucky in bed with her. Night terrors plagued both of them and instead of tossing and turning in bed, they would rise. Sometimes she would find Steve sprawled on the couch, staring at the TV not really watching whatever the hell was on. Sometimes she would hear Bucky in the shower, knowing that he was more often than night leaning against the cool tile allowing the water to flow over him.

More often than not she would find Bucky down in the gym and Steve out for his usual morning jog.

So, it was no surprise to Darcy, when she awoke earlier that morning to find herself alone in the king sized bed. She spread her arms out, allowing her hands to run over the sheets that had long since lost the warmth of their bodies, her fingers flexing before curling into the sheet. Darcy laid still for a moment, listening for any sound coming from throughout their apartment. She didn't know why she did that considering they were both ridiculously quiet with one being a modified soldier and another an ex-assassin. Tony and her often discussed getting bells for them. Which would then often lead to Tony asking how kinky their sex life was, if her lovers were around, Bucky would simply smirk while Steve would answer with a straight face, _kinky enough._

"Morning Jarvis," Darcy stared up at the ceiling of their bedroom.

"Good morning, Ms. Lewis," Jarvis replied. "Slept well?"

"Wonderfully," she sighed. "Steve and Bucky would be...?"

"Captain Rogers and Barnes are both sparring in the gym," the AI answered. "Shall I notify them that you are up?"

"No thanks," Darcy replied.

"Of course, Ms. Lewis."

Darcy sighed again and closed her eyes. Why must it be this hard? She wasn't naive in thinking that everything would be easy going but she hadn't expected it to be this difficult. Grabbing Steve's sleeping pillow with one hand and Bucky's with the other, she pulled both of them to her face, breathing in their scent as she blinked back tears.

"Are you alright?"

"Yep," Darcy looked over at Jane, "why?"

"You've had about four cups of coffee in the past hour," Jane said.

"I have a problem," Darcy replied. "I'm addicted to caffeine. It's a work in progress."

"Darcy."

"Lemme just try to break the habit my way, if it gets too crazy," Darcy looked up at her best friend and scientist, "then we can try rehab."

"Hey," Jane walked over to the table that she was seated at and stood across from her. "What's going on?"

Darcy sighed, the smirk slipping off her face. She brought her arms up onto the table and placed her head in her hands. Jane reached out and rubbed one of her arms.

"They're gone, I just don't know."

"Who is?" Jane asked.

"Steve and Bucky," Darcy replied, exhaling a deep breath. "They haven't been sleeping because they're having nightmares and they're not talking to me about it. I mean, even when they come back on missions, they're distant. What the hell is the whole point of having a king sized bed if you're just going to be sleeping alone? I mean really. Steve is over there," she moved both hands to the left, "Bucky is over here," she moved them to the right, "and I'm.." she held them out in front of her before dropping them to the table, "I don't even know where the fuck I am."

"PTSD," Jane said.

"No shit," Darcy snapped. She pinched the bridge of her nose before she gave her best an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I'm upset."

"Understandably so," Jane reached out for one of Darcy's hands, giving it a gentle squeeze with her own. "Have you tried talking to them?"

"Not really," Darcy shrugged. "Kind of hard to do when they aren't around, ya know? Plus, I don't even know where I'd begin."

"At the beginning?" Jane offered.

Darcy rolled her eyes.

"Darce, it's affecting you as much as it's affecting them," Jane said. "This isn't okay for any of you."

"I know, I know," Darcy nodded. "I just don't know. I don't want to say the wrong thing and have them distant themselves further."

Jane nodded, "but by not saying anything it's hurting you just as much."

* * *

Darcy rubbed a hand over her tired face. She knew that Jane was right, like usual, but she didn't know what to do. Neither one of her guys were much talkers. She knew that if she pressed, both of them would lash out and hit where it hurt. Despite what people may think, Steve had quite the sharp tongue and could easily break someone with his words.

Darcy had just started to fill the tub with water, planning on taking a relaxing bath, when she heard the door open and close. She turned off the water and walked down the hallway to the kitchen and found Bucky. Sweat was covering his face and his hair was disheveled, telling her that he had been down at the gym. The more closely she looked she finally saw the dark bruise that was forming on his right cheek.

She gasped, "what happened?" Having moved toward him, she flinched when Bucky moved his face away from her touch.

"Got carried away with Stark," Bucky shrugged.

"Carried away?" Darcy raised an eyebrow. "Pretty severe bruise for just getting _carried away_."

Bucky shrugged again.

"Bucky..."

"It's what happens when you spar Darce," Bucky snapped.

Darcy flinched at his tone but said nothing. She looked down at the floor, gnawing on her bottom lip, before she turned her head and looked down the hall, to the bathroom. She turned back to Bucky and gave a hopeful smile, "I was about to take a bath. Join me?"

"I'm all sweaty," Bucky replied.

"Hence the bath."

Bucky shook his head, "have to go have my arm checked out by Tony."

Her shoulders slumped and she held back the knot that she could feel in her throat. "Can't that wait? A bath might help you to relax."

"Also have to go have this bruise checked out," Bucky turned his stare to her, "with it being a severe bruise for getting _carried away_."

_Ouch_.

Darcy watched as he turned and walked back out the apartment. The door closing a little harder than needed. _Well_, she thought, _that was pleasant_.

She returned back to the bathroom, resuming preparing for the bath. Steam rose from the water and she sunk into the hot water. Her sink quickly turned red but she didn't notice. Cupping her hands, she splashed water over her face. Despite that she could still feel the sting of the slap of the Winter Soldier against her cheek.

She knocked her knuckles against the door a few times while chewing on her bottom lip. She rocked back and forth on her heels as she waited for the door to open.

"Hey, Darcy!"

Her head snapped up and a warmth spread through her as she found Sam leaning against his door with a bright smile on her face.

"Hey," Darcy attempted to smile back. "I hope I'm not totally crashing your Friday night?"

"Well, I was going to start my plans for world domination tonight," Sam shrugged, "but since it's you, I'll cancel."

"Why, thank you," Darcy replied, "I feel honored."

"You should," Sam stepped aside and motioned for Darcy to enter, closing the door behind her. "I did just order pizza. You hungry?"

Darcy nodded, "very."

"No plans with the lover boys?" Sam asked.

Darcy froze before shaking her head, "nope. Friday night is free, baby."

Sam looked at her for a few moments and Darcy thought for sure that she was going to have a breakdown right there in his kitchen. She didn't want to ruin Sam's night but she also didn't have anyone else to talk to.

"The Godfather is on, just started," Sam said, "wanna watch?"

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

The pizza box sat empty on the coffee table in front of them, Sam and Darcy haven eaten it all. The movie had just finished and Darcy had found herself actually having a good time. Sam had her laughing with the comments he made throughout the movie and Darcy had him in stitches with her impression of Marlon Brando.

"Every time I watch this movie with Steve and Bucky they also talk about how the mob was back in the day," Darcy commented. "It's actually quite interesting."

"Of course Captain America would know about the mob," Sam said.

"Well of course," she replied.

She sighed and sat back against the couch. Here she was thinking about her boys again. So much for having a fun filled evening.

"I'm about to make you an offer you can't refuse," Sam said after a moment.

Darcy looked over at him, "hit me."

"We're going to split a huge sundae and you're going to tell me what's up with you," Sam said, looking at her with all the seriousness in the universe.

"How big of a sundae?"

"Thor wouldn't be able to finish it," Sam smiled.

"Well," Darcy answered, "how can I refuse that?"

Darcy and Sam found themselves sitting on the kitchen floor with the half eaten sundae sitting between them. Silence had surrounded them, Darcy knowing that Sam was waiting for her to start. Problem was, she didn't know where to start. Not without having a total breakdown right here in the kitchen.

"Anything that is said here, stays here," Sam's voice was soft and serious. "It won't leave my apartment and I won't judge."

"They're not sleeping," Darcy said after a few minutes of silence. "I don't even remember the last time I didn't wake up in bed. Bucky is an asshole, right now, and Steve is distant." The tears came. "We're falling apart. I know that it can take time for them adjust. Especially with everything they've been through. I mean," she shuttered, wiping the tears from her eyes. "What the fuck am I gonna do Sam? It hurts me because they're hurting. I can't do anything right and I just..." she shook her head as the tears came out harder. "I miss them. I love them." Sam pushed the sundae out of the way and she turned her head to look at him, "I love them."

"Baby girl," Sam pulled Darcy to him, wrapping his arms tight around her body. He held her as she cried, not caring at all at how wet his shirt was becoming.

Darcy didn't know how much time had passed but she was tired and felt more drained than ever.

"Not talking to them isn't the answer," Sam said. "Both of your boys are stubborn as hell but they mean well. They went through a lot, especially together. I don't think anyone will really understand their connection," he looked over at her, "'cept for maybe you. Neither of them are big on talking and sharing emotions. You know that. They have a lot of baggage, Darce, more than someone should have."

"So how do I help?"

"Listen to them," Sam said. "Sometimes all you need is a person to just sit there and listen as you vent, reminding you that someone _does_ actual care. That you're not alone. That there is still hope."

By the time that she got home from Sam's she just wanted to curl up into a fetal position underneath her blankets. Darcy was one step away from just quitting and saying, _fuck it_. But she didn't want to do that, she couldn't do that. She was too much in love with her boys to just walk away from them and leave them to deal with this shit alone. That's not how Darcy rolled.

* * *

She closed the apartment door and leaned back against it, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

"DARCY?!"

Her eyes snapped opened at hearing Steve's frantic call. Was he having a nightmare? She didn't have time to move away from the door before Steve rounded the corner into the kitchen, coming to an abrupt halt in front of her.

"Steve?" She asked. _What was wrong_?

"Are you okay? Where were you?" Steve ran his blue eyes over her face and body assessing to see if she was in anyway injured.

"Uhm, I was at Sam's," Darcy replied. "Are _you_ okay? Where's Bucky?"

"He's out looking for you!"

"What?" Darcy stepped forward. "Why?"

"Well, considering it's 1:30 in the morning and you didn't answer either one of us when we called and texted you, it was cause for concern," Steve answered. "He went out looking for you while I stayed here in case you came home."

Darcy groaned, "I'm sorry, Steve. Sam and I got to talking so I turned off my phone and I forgot to turn it back on."

Steve watched her as she walked over to the island counter and placed her bag on top of it before she rubbed her forehead. He furrowed his eyebrows in question, "what's going on?"

"What's going on is that both of the men I love deeply are hurting and there's nothing that I can do about it," Darcy sighed.

She hadn't planned on saying that but it was what came out of her mouth. She was drained and she couldn't put up a fight anymore. Darcy was done.

"Darce," Steve started to speak but she shook her head.

"I know that I will never have the bond that you and Bucky have," Darcy said, "and that's totally cool. I get that. I also know that I will never really understand what either of you went through but I can listen. I'm here for the both of you, I'm not going anywhere. I love the both of you." Her eyes met his. "I love you, Steve. But this?" She motioned between the two of them, "this has to stop. I can't keep doing this. I'm tired."

"Darcy," Steve moved forward but she took a step back. He flinched, "I'm sorry."

Darcy nodded, "I know and you don't have to be. I know it's going to take time but it's going to be okay. You and Bucky aren't alone in this. You can talk to Sam or Tony even. Bucky can talk to Natasha. You guys have people to talk to that understand." She looked up at him, "you guys can talk to me. I'll listen. I don't care what you talk about," she frowned and shook her head, "I mean, I do but..." she sniffed and swallowed the knot in her throat. "I miss you guys. I want you guys back and to stop shutting me out. I'm still here."

Steve remained silent.

Darcy didn't look at him.

"You should call Bucky, tell him I'm home," Darcy said, "I'm going to take a bath." She turned and left the kitchen.

Darcy hadn't been soaking in the tub for long before a soft knock was heard at the door. She move and soon the door opened and Steve slipped in, closing the door behind him.

"He'll be back in awhile," Steve answered.

Darcy nodded, not looking at him still. Without saying anything else, Steve moved over to the side of the tub and knelt down beside it. Picking up the washcloth, he began to wash Darcy with gentle strokes. He wrapped an arm across her chest as she knelt forward and he scrubbed her back.

Darcy gripped his arm, holding it to her chest as the tears once again sprung up in her eyes. His touches, when he did touch her, were brief and barely there. She didn't want to let go anytime soon. Steve said nothing as he dropped the washcloth and wrapped both of his arms around her, pulling her to him. He kissed the back of her neck.

Darcy remembered falling asleep wrapped in Steve's arms but when she awoke the following morning she wasn't wrapped in his but rather Bucky's. His metal arm was wrapped over her waist, his thumb brushing against her skin. His other arm was underneath her pillow, cradling her head. When she opened her eyes, she was met with his blue ones.

They both stared at each other.

Darcy reached out a hand and brushed a piece of his hair away from his eyes. When she was about to pull back, his metal hand caught hers, and held her hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes and turned, brushing his lips against her palm.

She watched him before she leaned in and pressed her forehead against his, bumping her nose with his own, while letting out a breath that brushed against his lips.

They were going to be okay.

It would take some time.

But, they were going to be _okay_.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading! I hope ya'll enjoyed!**_

_**-KT xo**_


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